tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27559651424580471492024-03-13T22:42:50.783-04:00Inspire the FireExploring the world one word at a time.StarShield Lortiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15602659563633518897noreply@blogger.comBlogger28125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2755965142458047149.post-22537611186258988122012-02-23T13:35:00.003-05:002012-02-23T13:36:30.793-05:00Times are changing! And I'm moving with them! This blog is moving to a new address....
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<b><a href="http://www.starshieldlortie.wordpress.com/">www.starshieldlortie.wordpress.com</a> </b><br />
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and you can also view more info at my new website:<br />
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<b><a href="http://www.writingmedicine.com/"> www.writingmedicine.com</a></b>StarShield Lortiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06736089027234411327noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2755965142458047149.post-25876024583869359542011-07-30T21:25:00.000-04:002011-09-25T21:26:40.189-04:00Do I Deserve Anything?I called my mom yesterday and borrowed $175 from her so I could make my rent this month. At the age of 44 I sincerely thought the days of calling mom, possibly crying, for money to cover some emergency bill were long behind me. Instead after at least a good 15 years of being single and supporting myself in all areas of my life I am once again calling mom, and to her credit she did it without adding anything to the guilt trip I've already placed on myself.<br />
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I hate this place. I hated it when I was younger even though I knew if I called crying mom would find a way to bail me out. I did a lot of "borrowing" from her just like my older sisters - borrowing in quotes because it often never got paid back. I never liked how that felt and somehow managed to break the cycle. First paying her back for dollars I borrowed and then stopped asking to borrow at all. It feels weird being back here, borrowing and not really knowing I can pay her back; eating ramen noodles and hot dogs because it's cheap. I hate it here, probably more than I did then.<br />
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As a college student that's just how life worked, knowing that once you graduated and got that wonderful job you'd been working for for so long that you wouldn't be eating ramen noodles and whatever leftover munchies your roommate brought home from her job in the school cafeteria. Sacrifice now for a better life later. Except that now it is later and here I am, shockingly close to being unemployed, stretching $200 a month in food stamps to last the whole month and eating ramen and hot dogs, and whatever food my friends graciously send home saying they weren't going to eat it anyway. This fucking sucks.<br />
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I've been questioning it alot lately too. How I ended up here, again, so far from where I imagined I'd be by this point. Really if I think back I had no idea who I would be at 44 but assumed I'd have figured out the secret to a successful life long before now so that now would be easy, or at least easier. I gave up the corporate rate race 8 years ago and became self-employed with a house cleaning business I have thuroughly enjoyed. This most recent colapse happened when at the prodding on my Spirit I decided to move back to Tennessee; this meant moving the business which up to this point has never been that hard to do. <br />
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Business however slow it's been over the last several years has never been this bad. And I have no idea what is causing people not to call. I've gotten lots of speculation about it though; the economy, the heat, the government voting on a debt ceiling, people aren't going on vacations this summer and staying home instead, etc. I can see bits and pieces but nothing really makes any sense. The question that keeps coming up that I have been refusing to look at is this; as I keep hoping, having faith in that place in me that moved me to move in the first place, you're not really going to ask me to do something like that and then leave me with no way to support myself are you? no way to make this new life function? How do I stay awake and engaged and not drown in my own guilt for letting this happen again? How do I not be angry at my own Spirit for leading me here and then seemingly dropping me off to fend for myself? How do I not give up on myself?<br />
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Spiritually I've grown and expanded a thousand fold the last two months and for that I can not accurately express how grateful I am. Even as unhinged as I am right now I know I wouldn't be handling this situation as well as I am if it weren't for that. But there's always issues to work on. I realized last night after sitting with all this that my ugly issue of "I don't deserve it" was rearing it's head and I didn't even recognize it as it slinked its way in and started suffocating me. "I don't deserve it" has so many faces I stopped attempting to catalog them. It's sneaky too showing itself as an assistant, as what I think would most help me at any given moment, working it's way into my confidence and then once I relax it squeezes like a python until I will do absolutely anything just to be able to breathe again. And it wins getting me to make choices based on fear instead of love.<br />
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"I don't deserve it" requires me to sacrifice my happiness and self-love. And you can replace "it" with anything. For this example, I don't deserve to live the life of my dreams, so in order to inhabit this life I moved here to have I have to sacrifice my personal happiness to make it work. I don't deserve to have this life I was lead to The truth is my Spirit doesn't operate that way. She doesn't invite me to dream about things I cannot have. She doesn't tease me into making detrimental decisions out of boredom or cruelty. <br />
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And I have to have the faith that this is all leading me somewhere, to a place of strength in myself that I am unfortunately unaware of right now. Yet the other side to the story is I've made commitments to pay rent and utilities and feed my dog and cat and maintain my vehicle, none of which I can trade housecleaning for. I want to be that person who is responsible and meets their commitments head on. Right now I am absolutely sure I am failing.</div>
<br />StarShield Lortiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15602659563633518897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2755965142458047149.post-49519692814235485052011-07-25T10:07:00.002-04:002011-07-25T10:12:38.958-04:00Untitled Poem Inspired by The Sun Magazine<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wjUVJpcXEXQ/Ti15phzOYII/AAAAAAAAAEU/OdQZaJ1QHSo/s1600/-1%2B09-56-53.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 203px; height: 320px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wjUVJpcXEXQ/Ti15phzOYII/AAAAAAAAAEU/OdQZaJ1QHSo/s320/-1%2B09-56-53.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5633292463265177730" border="0" /></a><br />I received the August 2011 issue of The Sun yesterday and saw the attached picture on the contents page and simply could not let it pass. I also could not stop looking at the picture, feeling it stirring me. So I sat and wrote. This is what came out of that. No name yet, and I'm not at all sure it's finished, but it's done for now. Sometimes it's just more important to follow the thread than for it to make any kind of literal sense at all. Enjoy! Photo by Edis Jurcys (www.edisphoto.com)<br /><br />(NOTE: the attached image quality is poor. my scanner is not working and i couldn't find it on the web anywhere so i took a photo with my phone and emailed it to myself. i suggest picking up a copy of the august 2011 issue of the sun to experience full impact of the photo.)<br /><br /><br /><br />UNTITLED<br /><br />The Winds let loose<br />their Mystery<br />as I watched threads of silvery light<br />dance tremulously with the mist.<br /><br />I lay there<br />breath-full<br />parted lips soft with curiosity<br />as knowledge curls its way up,<br />prayers of visible breath.<br />The Winds turning us all toward Source.<br /><br />Then the Moon spoke<br />voice ancient with illumination,<br />vibration palpitating my cheeks.<br />A breath in and I am cracked open,<br />exhale and I am something new.<br /><br />The Earth shimmered<br />and became soft under my hips and heels,<br />caressing me with her feathery fingers.<br />They all moved as one<br />and I, along with them,<br />realized the moment,<br />the connection, the oneness.StarShield Lortiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15602659563633518897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2755965142458047149.post-37535819584854400102011-03-21T18:59:00.001-04:002011-03-21T19:01:53.614-04:00StarShield is Dreaming of JaguarsI had a dream recently, the symbols floating through like memories. Maybe it was really a memory of a life I've lived before, woken and brought into focus. It wasn't specific events, a story unfolding and pointing me to something, a journey, yet it was a specific place and moment. This was more a feeling, a feeling of who I am, being revealed a breath at a time, the images burned into the back of my eyelids. I'm a little afraid I made it all up, that if I blink too much they will vanish. I am changed by this I am sure if for nothing else I feel I now speak fluent Jaguar. I journaled for almost an hour when I woke, the words feeling wholly inadequate to the experience, yet a necessary movement, expression, of what I know. Here is a small exerpt from that journaling experience as its necessary to move it out into the world.<br /><br /> <br /><br /><br />I Have A Dream<br /><br /> <br /><br />I am on a mountain<br />thick with leafy trees<br />warm air, thick forest sounds.<br />I am teaching in a village<br />Jaguars abound.<br /><br /><br />I am happy<br />I am Loved<br />I am living my freedom.<br /> <br />I feel my relationship with the Earth.<br />I am expression of the Dream on Earth.<br />I am living my purpose here.<br /><br />Jungle, villagers, dancing,<br />sweet smells, Joy.<br />I am at peace<br />I am at peace<br />I am at peace.<br /><br />I am in a small dwelling<br />at the edge of a round clearing<br />I am with a man.<br />We trek, hike, explore, enjoy this place.<br />He supports my teaching,<br />my desire to share what I know.<br /><br />I am teaching.<br />I am teaching children.<br />I am saying prayers where ancient people said prayers.<br />I live in sacred connection and relationship.<br />I am imprinting the grid with Love.<br />I am compassion.<br />I am at peace.StarShield Lortiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15602659563633518897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2755965142458047149.post-2207927014400681842011-01-19T22:18:00.004-05:002011-01-20T22:16:42.001-05:00King of My Thing<div style="text-align: justify;"><iframe src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/eR7-AUmiNcA?fs=1" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="295" width="480"></iframe><br /><br />I heard this song on the radio today and in the midst of a rowdy sing along decided it would be the perfect dedication to my obnoxious neighbors, lazy landlords and the situation that has been unraveling quickly and unpleasantly over the last 2 months.<br /><br />I rent a small 1 bedroom "in-law" cottage and share the driveway and property with whomever is renting the main house. My front door faces and is at most 10 feet off the driveway. The girls that rented the house just before Thanksgiving are early 20's party girls with a constant rotation of cars and people into the wee hours of the morning. The landlords and police on different occasions have been called yet the drama continues and is escalating. I have had it out with the landlords twice and we have come to an impasse, their perspective being "there is nothing (they) can do." I am actively looking for another place to live.<br /><br />I continue to move through a roller coaster of emotional issues surrounding this situation. Number one being it seems that no matter what I do it somehow turns out to be the wrong thing. All I really want is for someone to get it; I live here too, cars in and out/up and down the driveway at 2am wake me up, people standing in the driveway smoking and whooping it up wake me up, my car got broken into and wallet and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">iPod</span> stolen from the glove box during one of their parties, I haven't slept through the night in almost 2 months, I no longer feel safe in my own home. And I get more frustrated and angry the more I feel I am ignored.<br /><br />Through this experience I've found ways I don't stand up for myself and behavior patterns that leave me lashing out to get attention I think I ought to have. It's left me curled in a ball in my bed, teary eyed, wondering what the hell I did to deserve any of this. And it's demanded I stare my own deep insecurities in the face while telling me I don't have a right to do anything about any of them.<br /><br />A couple days ago though I woke up very clear in myself that I was done and I was going to stop fighting for my side to be heard. I had a pinpoint moment of pure clarity showing me what I'd been doing was working really hard to get <span style="font-style: italic;">them</span> to change and suddenly I knew this was a big part of my stress. I can't expect anyone to change so I can be happy. My only job is to take care of me, make choices for me instead of working to find middle ground with people that won't even stand in the same room with me. And this is a pattern for me, work to make room for everyone else and get frustrated because they won't acknowledge I'm waiting in the wings for my turn.<br /><br />That moment of clarity, though still with me, has faded a bit as I return to this house every day after work and still have to work around the unpleasantness leaking out from next door. But hearing this song gave me a little boost and reminded me that really no one outside of me can tell me who I am and I'm giving the neighbors and the landlords way to much authority over my experience. It just doesn't matter that <span style="font-style: italic;">they</span> don't see my side and <span style="font-style: italic;">they</span> just don't get it...or me. So yea, who cares if they disagree, they are not me. And I am the master of my own experience.<br /><br />Of course, while singing loudly in the car, asking them who died and made them the king of any part of my life I realized that if I'm dedicating it to them, I have to dedicate it to my own ego as well. That internal creator of personal chaos that is telling me they don't get it, how much I'm the victim in all this crazy and all the rest of the debilitating things it tells me to get me to react out of fear. I have to stop giving my ego any authority over how I operate, perceive or think.<br /><br />This knowledge burst over me like a pop-up thunderstorm, quick and cleansing. Though by no means new information it moved through me on a very intentional course to my heart and made me laugh out loud. I have been wasting so much of my time and energy, I can be free now, I make all the decisions, especially the placement of my attention. I started getting excited about the prospect of being free from what other people think, or probably more accurately my own judgements of myself, and then realized that standing in that place the way I've put myself together up to that point no longer holds true. And here's the work....letting go of what's not working anymore, what's no longer true while learning to put myself together in a way that feels true but incredibly foreign.<br /><br />Now I can say thank you to the neighbors and the landlords for their time and remember it's really not necessary to learn through pain, Love is also an amazing teacher. The world can tell me whatever it wants to tell me about who or what or how I <span style="font-style: italic;">should</span> be and I can just smile knowing I don't have to be anything more than the king of my own thing.<br /></div>StarShield Lortiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15602659563633518897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2755965142458047149.post-68895168437011891272011-01-16T20:08:00.005-05:002011-01-16T22:24:08.764-05:00The Vacuum Cleaner Chronicles<div align="justify">My vacuum cleaner died last night. And not a simple kind of death that it just stopped working, instead it came apart in fairly large pieces in my hands as I worked to replace the broken belt. I kept thinking as another piece dropped limply in my hand that I would be able to figure out how to put it back together but as the motor dropped with a deadly thud to the floor in a puff of dust that proved to be it's last breath, I realized I had to let it go. <br /><br />It wasn't a new vacuum, an older model Hoover that required you to plug in the hose to use any of the 4 standard attachments. And it was a barter, I received it in exchange for helping a client move a couple years ago. It didn't look like much but worked great and was the perfect gift at a time when money was especially tight. And I knew it was dying for almost a year. I've been looking at vacuums for a while but either can't find one with all the features I want or find one that looks good and just don't want to spend over $100 for a new vacuum, especially when it lives in the trunk of my car. <br /><br />But the process of watching this one come completely apart in my hands reflected back to me what I tend to do internally and clarified what was happening in my life at that moment. I continue patch myself together so I can keep going, keep what is known in place, maintain the status quo. And even though I have developed a deep appreciation for the process of change, that things must die to make room for the new, I still resist the letting go. And now, with a dismantled vacuum in pieces at my feet I see it, to get what I want I have to let go of what I know, that what I know is coming apart and it's ok to let it die.<br /><br />I bagged up all the vacuum pieces today and took the bag out to the trash can. I'll set it all down by the street and magically, by the time I leave for work Thursday morning, it will all be gone. So I'm taking this moment to acknowledge the work going on there; the transformation, the death, the rebirth the clarity. I'll get a new vacuum sooner rather than later and start letting go in all the tiny hidden places in myself where I'm holding on to how it's been, how it's supposed to be. And I'll move on.</div>StarShield Lortiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15602659563633518897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2755965142458047149.post-73812850965327823872010-09-15T14:21:00.008-04:002010-09-15T16:19:26.127-04:00Cataclysm of A Moment<div align="justify">I have been working, off and on, for about a year on a memoir about my work with my spiritual teacher and although feel I've made some good progress on it find I continually question my right to be writing a memoir without nailing down the one big moment in my life that I want to explore, talk about, start from. You know the moment I'm talking about, the moment we supposedly all have at some point, that magically shifts everything we know about ourselves and the world and throws us head long into a new life. The kind of moment that's often described like a cataclysmic shift of consciousness from which we can never return; that who we were was completely burned up in a fire with nothing left to pick up out of the rubble and say,"THIS was me. It is NOT me anymore."<br /><br />I've had those moments. I'm not arrogant enough to say I've had none but what I'm starting to realize as I scan back over my life looking for that moment to write about that mine often don't take that form. My experience is more like a series of events that open me to a truth I already know and it's the moment that I acknowledge the truth all those moments are pointing to that that leaves me stunned and out of breath and suddenly changed for all eternity. <br /><br />I have worked with a spiritual teacher for over 11 years and my road to finding him was, although not uneventful, something I'm challenged to pick one moment to write about. I can't even say I knew something was missing, that I had been searching for something, until probably a year or two after beginning work with him. I can look back over the years leading up to it; graduating college knowing less about what I wanted than when I started, marrying my ex-husband on a whim in Vegas and splitting up a year later, and my decision to leave everything I knew and move across the country to Nashville; as steps in my Spirits divine plan to find and work with this teacher. Individually none of those experiences were cataclysmic in nature; although my separation and ultimate divorce from my ex did rock my world to it's core; it would be the combination of them, and all the others in between, that would lead me to acknowledge my desire for change.<br /><br />I don't know that I've had that one moment, like Elizabeth Gilbert (in Eat Pray Love) in supplication on her bathroom floor in the middle of the night in a flood of tears realizing how much she didn't want what she had or Gordon Hempton in an interview in the September 2010 issue of The Sun where he describes how he pulled to the side of a road after driving all day to sleep in a corn field and experienced a thunderstorm that left him with a life that was "...no longer adequate." I've had moments, especially after a very powerful fire ceremony, that left me knowing I had to tear down my life as it was and re-create it to match who I was at that moment. Yet I have a hard time pulling just one of those moments out and crowning it as THE moment that changed my life forever.<br /><br />My search for that one moment to define how I got where I am has left me frustrated and often deflated. It always seems, especially as I started taking classes on writing memoir, that I must find one moment; one spectacular, grand, illuminating, life altering collision of divine intervention moment and write about that. This task I find especially difficult, often moving me to take a hiatus from my daily writing all together feeling I'm not getting anywhere and I'll never get to where I'm supposed to be. Perhaps the truth is I don't have a story worth telling at all. I hate that my experience is not like everyone else's. And perhaps I, entoumbed in my belief that anything worth having can only be born from my measurable ability to work hard, am missing the spectacular view from my innate ability to simply observe.<br /><br />Reading the Gordon Hempton interview today I pondered another option. My life is a series of moments, a series of experiences that all build upon each other. The cataclysmic moment that I'm searching for presents in much smaller ways for me and, instead of redefining my life in an instant, simply verifies what I already know but am struggling to understand. Almost like the universe is constantly handing me clues to who I am and what's true for me in any moment I just have to choose to be at attention with it. The profoundness of the universe and my own depth as a human comes almost silently - quietly and softly inviting me to question what I thought was true and experience how its not. The giant moment I constantly searching for instead comes as a series of soft questioning that points me in a direction giving me opportunity to explore, reflect and ultimately choose what's true for me.<br /><br />Perhaps trusting my ability to work hard is not the most embracing strategy for me as a writer, or even as an evolving being. Perhaps having some faith in my ability to simply be can open my eyes to all the magical and perception shifting moments happening all day long that don’t require I suit up for a life long quest to find.</div>StarShield Lortiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15602659563633518897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2755965142458047149.post-30393003209735274642010-08-02T21:54:00.003-04:002010-08-05T21:45:35.079-04:00If I Had A Million Dollars<object height="385" width="480"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/NhqyiqUe7uE&hl=en_US&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/NhqyiqUe7uE&hl=en_US&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="385" width="480"></embed></object><br /><br />I heard this Bare Naked Ladies song on the radio the other day and I got to wondering, if I had a million dollars what would I spend it on? After I paid bills and debts of course, what would I do with the money? Would it make my life better and what am I not allowing myself that I really want because I think I can't afford it? Are there places in my life where I'm holding myself back, things I think I can't do because of the cash? And are there things I would give up because I would then not have to worry about money? I decided to sit down and make a list, like a budget, and explore what $1,000,000 would cover.<br /><br />It turned out to be a basic laundry list...pay off car, buy new one, pay off other debts including the ever present student loan, and do a few basic things that I can't quite make ok to spend on right now like join a gym and sign up for more writing classes. But through the process I realized some important things. I have let myself be defined by money for as long as I can remember. Defined by how much I had in cash, how much I had in the bank, if I was able to buy a house or a car or get a loan, or a million other things we do every day. I've even been to the place of not leaving the house on a day off because I couldn't afford to put the extra gas in the car. I've let it define my world, tell me who I am and who I'm not and keep me attached to what I don't want.<br /><br />What I realized is that yes, paying off the car and other bills is important but it's more important to stop putting off what I want for a day when I know unequivocally I can do it. I don't want to be defined by what I think I don't have anymore. So, I'm making plans for a trip to the beach that I've so been longing to take and I'm signing up for that one day poetry workshop this weekend, taking a day to define myself through poetry...any maybe I'll keep my eyes open for the million dollars along the way.StarShield Lortiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15602659563633518897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2755965142458047149.post-47563746596341307712010-08-02T21:39:00.003-04:002010-08-02T21:54:06.236-04:00Echoes Across The Blue Ridge<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6CSHnYika1k/TFd187TsziI/AAAAAAAAADQ/00MHxusWrXI/s1600/final%2BEchoes%2Bcover%2B8x10.jpg"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 214px; height: 320px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_6CSHnYika1k/TFd187TsziI/AAAAAAAAADQ/00MHxusWrXI/s320/final%2BEchoes%2Bcover%2B8x10.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5500995159429271074" border="0" /></a>Echoes Across The Blue Ridge Stories, essays and poems by writers living in and inspired by the Southern Appalachian Mountains, published by Winding Path Publishing, is available for purchase at only $16.00. I am honored to be a part of this beautiful anthology. Books are available at ncwn.org and the following independent bookstores. Get your copy today!<br /><strong><em></em></strong><br />City Lights Books, Sylva<br />Curiosity Books in Murphy, NC<br />Phillips and Lloyd Books in Hayesville, NC<br />Books Unlimited, Franklin, NC<br />Book Nook, Blairsville, GA<br />Blue Ridge Books, Waynesville, NC<br />Malaprop's bookstore in Asheville, NC<br />Twice Upon A Time in Murphy, NC<br />Highlands Books, Brevard, NC<br />Fountainhead Book Store, Hendersonville,NC<br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 238); font-family: georgia;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(25, 25, 25); line-height: 20px; font-size: 13px;"><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">The big publication party</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> will be held at<br />City Lights Book Store, </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Sylva, North Carolina, </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">August 8, 2010, 5:00 pm. </span></span></span></div></span></span>StarShield Lortiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15602659563633518897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2755965142458047149.post-44750978196795477402010-03-25T18:58:00.004-04:002010-03-25T19:08:32.177-04:00New PoetryI Told You So<br />by StarShield Lortie<br /> <br /><br /> 1<br />i told you when we started this<br />i wouldn't be able to finish<br />i'm not pretty or smart enough<br />or have the right skills.<br /><br />I told you it would all fall apart<br />and there would be nothing left<br />but a pile of bitter dusty ashes<br />scattering on the wind.<br /><br />i told you i wasn't strong enough<br />that these things you call appendages<br />make no sense to me<br />and all i would do is fail.<br /><br />i told you the best i could give you<br />is the middle of the road<br />that i would just stop trying<br />lie down and give up.<br /><br />and here we are<br />smack in the middle<br />and all i have left is<br />i told you so.<br /><br /><br /> 2<br />I never said<br />you would know left from right<br />only that direction would be revealed<br />and here you are.<br /><br />I never said there would be an end,<br />a stopping place or destination,<br />only that the journey unfolds<br />presently before you.<br /><br />I never doubted<br />your ability to move,<br />to lean forward and make a choice,<br />and embrace the knowledge along the way.<br /><br />I never questioned the strength of you<br />or your desire to reach for the truth<br />as it illuminates each moment<br />fully in front of you.<br /><br />And I gave you the most magical gift<br />what you call giving up<br />to teach you the how<br />of letting go.<br /><br /><br /> 3<br />Lie down on the soft earth<br />clover thick between your bare toes<br />and unfurl yourself beyond<br />I told you so.StarShield Lortiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15602659563633518897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2755965142458047149.post-65512268114459371362010-01-30T19:56:00.006-05:002010-01-30T20:04:57.991-05:00Echoes Across The Blue Ridge<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6CSHnYika1k/S2TWmns-VhI/AAAAAAAAADI/AbrARWJFE4Y/s1600-h/echoesblueridge.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 214px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_6CSHnYika1k/S2TWmns-VhI/AAAAAAAAADI/AbrARWJFE4Y/s320/echoesblueridge.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5432703009496651282" border="0" /></a><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><div align="justify"><span style="font-size:130%;">Keep your eyes peeled for this upcoming anthology due out this spring! I am one of the authors included in the volume with an essay titled "<span style="font-style: italic;">A Walk In The Dark</span>".</span><br /><br />Get more info at the NCNW West's blog<br /><a href="http://netwestwriters.blogspot.com/">NetWest Mountain Writers and Poets</a><br />or from anthology editor Nancy Simpson's blog<span style="text-decoration: underline;"><br /></span><a href="http://nancysimpson.blogspot.com/">Living Above The Frost Line</a> </div>StarShield Lortiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15602659563633518897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2755965142458047149.post-55750610592514505672010-01-30T16:59:00.000-05:002010-01-30T17:00:44.276-05:00Giving Over<blockquote><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_BlxlKYEFzwo/S2Sq-cBrlgI/AAAAAAAAABg/42KaoDgs1WU/s1600-h/rumi.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_BlxlKYEFzwo/S2Sq-cBrlgI/AAAAAAAAABg/42KaoDgs1WU/s320/rumi.jpg" /></a></div><br />"Give your life to the one who already owns your breath and your moments.” - Rumi, from <i>The One This You Must Do.</i></blockquote><br /><br /><div align="justify">I sat down today to read from this book of poetry as I was cleaning my house. The depth of this passage touched me deeply. I recognize this is what I want the most and am the most afraid of. But I want it more that the fear can distract me. And I am moved to tears. Although I do not think I have spent my life in service of others, I am not married and have no children, I certainly have given my life to my fear and pain. Given the very life of me to that which bleeds me and leaves me lying in a ball on the floor too worn out to move. I have given almost all of me away to that very thing that murders me. Yet the pain of all that I have given up has kept me stuck, repeating the same patterns over and over. <br /><br />I want to give my life over to the one, knowing that “one” is not outside of me but in me, is the very me I see in the mirror each morning. That “one” is the very breath and this very moment of me. I want to surrender my life to my spirit knowing that each step I take is simply a response. I no longer have to figure it all out , figure out how this or that is going to happen, how I am going to pay this months bills or wonder, as I step out my door at any moment, if what I am presenting is real. <br /><br />If I give my life over, if I take my authority back, and really own all that is me what am I really giving up? Pain? Grief? Uncertainty? I can actually let go of the act, let go of the show, and be the truth of me that I was sent here to be. I can actualy get done what I came here to do. I can stop lying to myself and the world at large and maybe, just maybe, find something I lost long ago....Me.</div>StarShield Lortiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15602659563633518897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2755965142458047149.post-20998725963940547652010-01-01T16:23:00.003-05:002010-01-01T17:06:57.539-05:00Happy New Year!<div align="justify">What I've dis-covered this last year is just now forming in my awareness as something I've known all along. I love to write. Yet somehow I seem to run away from it faster than towards this thing that feeds me and loves me the way nothing else does. What I'm learning the hard way is that the running is killing me faster than if I just gave in and lived the life that I'm longing to live. I think I may finally be getting to the point where it's not killing me softly anymore. It's now a matter of survival that I write and continue writing because this is the thing that will create Me instead of me creating it.<br /><br />As much as I've been living in "survival mode" the last 2 1/2 years - doing whatever I can to make money to put food on the table and gas in the car - what I'm coming to realize is that doing what I love is becoming a matter of survival, spiritual survival. I lived for a long time out of touch with who I am. Simply surviving, doing what I'm supposed to do, doing what I'm told to do and not feeling anything that floated outside of nefarious discontentment to anger. I've grown and learned how to feel again and know that there is a whole world out there to explore and writing is what has gotten me here. And now, as I step into this new year, new decade, and new place in myself, I know that in order for me to not only survive but thrive I must meet this creative process in myself head on. Face it fully, see it, embrace it and claim it. And love it for it's ability to love me fully and without prejudice.<br /><br />I stumbled upon this place the other day while doing some journaling. I sat with the intent to write about my day, what I was working on and working through, what I was worrying about and how to get from this moment to the next. I picked up the pen and began to write and soon I realized that all the things that I worry about all day long, all the things that I think I'm doing wrong and what I'm lacking just weren't there. None of it existed at the place where my pen landed on the page. All of that was just gibberish working to distract me. And what flowed out from there brought me back to knowing that I must stop running.<br /><br />"I put pen to paper and I am who I am meant to be. I am Me, right here in black and white, right here on this page. There's no telling what will come out and how I will be loved as the pen guides smoothly from left to right. Somehow, with pen in hand, I am the me I am eternally yearning to be. It is a relationship that ironically I have a hard time putting into words. It is elusive and strong and love itself. The very string of brush strokes simplified to a place of honor. Movements & revelations sometimes hard to understand and sometimes only available in one moment and not the next. This relationship as elusive as it can seem to be is really a life blood for me. It holds me and talks to me and asks me to reveal myself through it all the time. It is my expression of me that transcends what is supposed to be. It is my art, my creation, my expression of my creations that I am, and all of these at once. It is nothing more that the Me I so desperately want to be. It is the sands in the hourglass and the hourglass itself. It is all of me. It is the facets and the feelings of me and all the joy in between. My life makes sense here on the page, pen gliding across. The words may be imprecise and at times uninspired but here, right here, I make sense to me and that is really all that matters." -Journal Entry<br /><br />The only resolution I can make with clear determination is that I will pursue my writing. No matter what it looks like or if any other person alive gets it. It's what I must do for myself, it is what creates me, it is what moves me forward. So here's to a year of stepping out of my own comfort zone and living a life of uncomfortable greatness, where I can breathe again.<br /><br />Happy New Year!</div>StarShield Lortiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15602659563633518897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2755965142458047149.post-86025944613671102292009-10-04T20:06:00.004-04:002009-10-04T20:13:40.945-04:00Am I too Old?Lately I've been wondering how old I am and how late in life I've decided to start writing and how late in my life I discovered poetry and the gift that it brings to me. And then, today, in a book store as I'm browsing through the poetry section I picked up a book on Pablo Neruda and opened to this. I am grateful how the universe presents exactly what is necessary at any moment.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />POETRY<br /><br />And it was at that age...Poetry arrived<br />in search of me. I don't know, I don't know where<br />it came from, from winter or a river.<br />I don't know how or when,<br />no, they were not voices, they were not<br />words, nor silence,<br />but from a street I was summoned,<br />from the branches of night,<br />abruptly from the others,<br />among violent fires<br />or returning alone,<br />there I was without a face<br />and it touched me.<br /><br />I did not know what to say, my mouth<br />had no way<br />with names<br />my eyes were blind,<br />and something started in my soul,<br />fever or forgotten wings,<br />and I made my own way,<br />deciphering<br />that fire<br />and I wrote the first faint line,<br />faint, without substance, pure<br />nonsense,<br />pure wisdom<br />of someone who knows nothing,<br />and suddenly I saw<br />the heavens<br />unfastened<br />and open,<br />planets,<br />palpitating planetations,<br />shadow perforated,<br />riddled<br />with arrows, fire and flowers,<br />the winding night, the universe.<br /><br />And I, infinitesimal being,<br />drunk with the great starry<br />void,<br />likeness, image of<br />mystery,<br />I felt myself a pure part<br />of the abyss,<br />I wheeled with the stars,<br />my heart broke free on the open sky.StarShield Lortiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15602659563633518897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2755965142458047149.post-5075964955092052832009-08-09T13:07:00.002-04:002009-08-09T13:10:45.225-04:00The Poet's AlchemyAn inspiring talk about the alchemy of poetry. Laura Hope-Gill is the executive director of Asheville WordFest, a free poetry festival held once a year in Ashville, NC. For more information about Laura please visit her website at www.thehealingseed.com and WordFest at www.ashevillewordfest.org<br /><br /><embed src="http://blip.tv/play/AejAXJOjOQ" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="720" height="510" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true"></embed>StarShield Lortiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15602659563633518897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2755965142458047149.post-73115211249556791382009-05-31T11:43:00.002-04:002009-05-31T11:48:03.385-04:00Squire Summer Writing Residency<div align="justify">An affordable, intimate alternative to the large summer conferences, offered especially for North Carolina writers but open to writers nationwide. This year's Summer Writing Residency offers intensive workshops and great value, with exciting new faculty in diverse genres, evening readings, and the opportunity for local area residents to commute to their workshops at a reduced cost. Visit <a href="http://www.ncwriters.org">www.ncwriters.org</a> for more information.</div><br /><br />July 24 - 26, 2009<br />Warren Wilson College<br />701 Warren Wilson Road<br />Swannanoa, NC 28778StarShield Lortiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15602659563633518897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2755965142458047149.post-43796337239394621842009-05-18T15:07:00.001-04:002009-05-18T15:09:57.829-04:00Magical PoetryThe breeze at dawn<br />has secrets to tell you.<br />Don't go back to sleep.<br />You must ask for what you really want.<br />Don't go back to sleep.<br />People are going back and forth<br />Across the doors where the two worlds touch.<br />The door is round & open.<br />Don't go back to sleep.<br /> -RUMIStarShield Lortiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15602659563633518897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2755965142458047149.post-33547900655563343832009-05-06T20:15:00.002-04:002009-05-06T20:31:14.762-04:00Elizabeth Gilbert on CreativityA great talk about creativity and how we meet that relationship. If you haven't read Elizabeth Gilbert's book Eat Pray Love I highly recommend it.<br /><br /><object width="560" height="340"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/86x-u-tz0MA&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/86x-u-tz0MA&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="560" height="340"></embed></object>StarShield Lortiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15602659563633518897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2755965142458047149.post-88134329302882427352009-04-30T13:06:00.005-04:002009-04-30T13:28:36.903-04:00Just Announced! Spring Session Date for the Sacred Writer's Retreat!<div align=justify>We are all Sacred Writers. We are all born with the gift of putting pen to paper, giving movement and structure to that which is held so dear. No matter the arrangement of words, phrases and punctuation, there is an inherent relationship with the divine that guides the pen across the paper. Cultivating that relationship simply requires space and attention.<br /><br />The act of writing is a tool to connect to the sacred Self, touch one's Spirit and to hear the voice of the Heart. Writing can tap into the truth and illuminate the mystery that lies in each of us. It can reveal You, touching the deepest recesses of your being, and bring forward all the possibilities of who you can become. The truth at the heart of each one of us speaks in many ways and writing is one way to connect with that voice and let it flow.<br /><br />This unique one-day retreat is packed with lots of things to stir and inspire the creative spirit. Bringing experiences from her own journey as a spiritual student and writer/poet, StarShield combines writing exercises, group interaction and creative play to open a dialog and remember the relationship with Self that is always available.</div><br /><br />This retreat is for anyone who has the desire to:<br /><br /> * find and speak their truth.<br /> * explore their own sense of the sacred through writing.<br /> * get in touch with their personal story.<br /> * connect with a community of open-hearted, like-minded souls.<br /> * open up to the beauty living in the heart.<br /><br />Requirements are minimal:<br /><br /> * The desire to connect with personal truth & knowing.<br /> * The willingness to gently stretch into Self.<br /> * The audacity to relax into your own unfolding.<br /> * The commitment to maintain the space of the group as the day expands.<br /> * The fearlessness to share with the group. (No one will be forced to share. Silent participants, those who listen and hold space, are just as important and essential as those who share all!) <br /><br />I invite you to immerse yourself in You for an entire day finding rejuvenation and inspiration in the community supporting you.<br /> <br />Saturday June 6, 2009 - 10am-4pm<br />Cafe Bella Luna<br />Murphy, NC<br /><br />Retreat Fee: $75 - $60 if paid in full by May 18, 2009<br />Pre-Registration is required.<br />Upon receipt of your deposit you will be sent a detailed registration packet with all information including driving directions and what to bring.<br /><br />Please click below to send your payment or contact StarShield directly at writingmedicine@yahoo.com or 615/594-9139<br /><form action="https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr" method="post"><br /><input type="hidden" name="cmd" value="_s-xclick"><br /><input type="hidden" name="hosted_button_id" value="5113140"><br /><table><br /><tr><td><input type="hidden" name="on0" value="Fluid Movements Retreat">Fluid Movements Retreat</td></tr><tr><td><select name="os0"><br /> <option value="Retreat Fee">Retreat Fee $75.00<br /> <option value="Early Bird Fee">Early Bird Fee $60.00<br /> <option value="Deposit">Deposit $25.00<br /></select> </td></tr><br /></table><br /><input type="hidden" name="currency_code" value="USD"><br /><input type="image" src="https://www.paypal.com/en_US/i/btn/btn_buynowCC_LG.gif" border="0" name="submit" alt="PayPal - The safer, easier way to pay online!"><br /><img alt="" border="0" src="https://www.paypal.com/en_US/i/scr/pixel.gif" width="1" height="1"><br /></form>StarShield Lortiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15602659563633518897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2755965142458047149.post-3494289197008283232009-04-30T12:40:00.001-04:002009-04-30T12:40:39.897-04:00New year, new moment, new me...Welcome to the new Writing Medicine blog. It has been a long and winding road over the last couple of years with my move to the mountains, loosing "everything" and rebuilding from a place of heart first. And I am grateful for those of you that continue to follow and check in with where ever I am along the way.<br /><br />I started this blog about a year and a half ago and then in essence let it go because I couldn't see a way for it to serve me. Now, I know that this is a better place for me than maintaining my website and promoting a business. I can get back to the core of the love which is the writing itself and let go of making a business out of it, knowing that the teaching and the coaching are natural extensions of that love and will manifest in their own moment.<br /><br />This format also allows me more freedom to express and share what is going on in the world, things of interest, moments in time. And like me, it will be an ever evolving thing, morphing and changing as the energy moves me.<br /><br />Please enjoy your time here. If you have something you'd like to share please send it along and I'll post it. And in the mean time... <br /><br />Happy Writing!<br />StarShieldStarShield Lortiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15602659563633518897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2755965142458047149.post-64351322322276907172009-04-30T12:34:00.002-04:002009-04-30T12:36:37.837-04:00What is Sacred Writing?<div align="justify">Writing is an act of power that transcends the literal application of words on paper. It has the potential to open one up to the often hidden depths of ever-evolving beauty that is the core of each of us. It can wake you up, crack you open and guide you gracefully back to the center. The opportunities to know one's Self and connect with Source through the act of writing are endless.<br /><br />Sacred Writing is the use of writing as a way to connect to the sacredness in one's self, to touch the Spirit and to hear the voice of the heart. Sacred Writing creates a road for the voice of the heart to travel, clarifying the way to create life with our Spirit leading. It can tap into the truth and illuminate the mystery that lies in each of us. It opens us to the subtle nuances of the movements of our own energy and allows for the development of relationship with Self and with the world.<br /><br />Sacred Writing can also explore our sense of the sacred, especially in those dark places we often choose not to look at. It allows us to explore our quest for significance and purpose while providing a literal road for the application of our own personal experiences. It can reveal the greater You, touching the deepest recesses of your being, bringing forward all the possibilities of who you can become.<br /><br />Sacred Writing is the expression of creative energy in literal form and incorporates things such as creative play, collage, color, physical movement, and group interaction to stir and inspire the creative spirit.<br /><br />Creative energy is at the core of who we are. It is the driving force guiding every one of us to keep breathing, helping us to create the next moment. The expression of that creative force can take many forms and is as unique as each one of us. Allowing room to feel that creative energy flow through many outlets can deeply connect us to our own writing and in turn our writing improves. Honoring the way that creative energy chooses to express itself in any given moment is as important as staying committed to the work itself.<br /><br />There are many ways of pursuing the path to personal freedom. Sacred Writing is one way to connect with the voice of the heart and let it flow. Whatever choices are made regarding creating a writing practice; daily time, monthly devotional, gardening journal, food diary, etc., there is power in words. How we choose to express the words and the power they represent is entirely up to the divine uniqueness that is each of us.</div>StarShield Lortiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15602659563633518897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2755965142458047149.post-11552663526999784542007-11-23T21:00:00.000-05:002007-11-23T21:50:08.643-05:00Thanksgiving<font face="papyrus">Well, it's what everyone is calling Black Friday. The melee begins over getting the best deal on a gift for someone that, do you really want to anyway? I chose to stay home. I put in over 7 years of my life working retail and just don't go near a mall if at all possible until way into the new year. Instead I chose to sleep late, have a wonderfully relaxed breakfast with my room mate, did laundry, watched a few shows on the net I wanted to catch up with, and took the dog out to a state park this afternoon for a nice long walk in the sunshine.<br /><br />As we were walking I started thinking about Thanksgiving, i.e. gratitude, and what that really means in my life. For me I realized it's simply a point of view. I could rattle off a list of trials and complications that I've been through and how each thing is something that happened to me. Would you feel properly sorry for me or begin to tell me your sad story? I could spend hours writing down things, "I'm grateful for this, I'm grateful for that" but it seems different somehow to what gratitude <span style="font-weight: bold;"><i>feels</i></span> like. <br /><br />Although that feeling place is often hard to put into words I'm going to give it a shot. It's when you can feel your big toe and it's vibrating, just a little, with the gratitude for you own life, like Gratitude lives there, and you suddenly become aware of feeling it everywhere in your body and how it feels completely different in each place, yet there's some thread that you recognize "That's Gratitude". <br /><br />And then it's what your entire body is made of, Love in it's pure unadulterated state, un-manipulated, unaltered, uncomplicated. <br /><br />It's when the world at large keeps telling you you don't know what you're doing and inside you there's a knowing that no matter what, you're fine...not you're going to be fine but you already are, right now in this moment, everything is good, the pieces are snapping together and you're beginning to see You.<br /><br />It's when you can see the larger picture that's making up You and want every piece that's in the puzzle because every piece is You.<br /><br />And it's the simplicity of a breath and the beauty of a dream and then a way of life. <br /><br />Feeling Gratitude, how it lives in me, is something that stretches me from one day to the next, one moment to the next, because it is ever in motion, expanding and creating something new to explore, teaching me how to relate, how to stand in relationship with the world around me and in me.<br /><br />Thanksgiving, not giving thanks, giving away, giving up something of yourself, but rather leaving an offering, recognizing the relationship, the connection, that lives and breathes and feeds in every way possible.<br /><br />Happy Thanksgiving.</font>StarShield Lortiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15602659563633518897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2755965142458047149.post-377110113833722632007-11-18T20:32:00.000-05:002007-11-18T20:39:16.525-05:00What am I doing?So here's a question...how come I can write for myself, I can write for hours in my journal but I sit here to come up with a new blog and I draw a complete blank?<br /><br />I consider myself a writer, have even published a small book of poetry, and am getting myself out there freelancing and I KNOW in every cell of me, in the very core of me that I am a writer. It's all I think about, all I want to do, and yet when I sit to write something that I know will be out in the world for others to see practically instantly I freeze up. And I know that at this point no one's even reading this blog at all! I am writing this more for myself right now, and that's ok.<br /><br />I get that there's power for me here, personal power. There are huge pieces of myself I will regain by doing this and the wanting of it is digging deeper into me all the time. I'll be out in the grocery store and be writing a story in my head as I'm pushing my basket around, get excited about the idea, yet I get home and sit down to write it and suddenly can't find it and don't know what to write. <br /><br />So, here, I'm going to just give myself the space to type, write, get my fears out about the movement of this, even if it doesn't make sense to the outside eyes right now. It really is for me, about me, about my process, and I know it is all leading me somewhere....to myself.StarShield Lortiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15602659563633518897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2755965142458047149.post-20801260396727260542007-11-08T08:20:00.000-05:002007-11-08T08:40:13.952-05:00GratitudeSo, a new week and a new day. Lots to be grateful for and lots to let go of. I often wonder the direction of things in my life and realize I cannot know, all I can know is right now. Where I am right now. And right now I'm going to use this space to express how grateful I am to everyone in my life who assists me in so many ways. <br /><br />The memories of my youth have been surfacing a lot these days. Memories of how I wandered around for years feeling lost, alone, misunderstood, and how I didn't understand how I was taking up space here when there was no where I fit. I spent a lot of energy maintaining a place of anger, which now I can observe as at least if I was angry I was alive. <br /><br />Taking that to where I am now I can feel all those things, how true and real it all felt to me, yet now I have the buffer of time, I've matured a little bit and I have built an incredible support system around me. Even when I touch those places again and feel the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">unmistakable</span> pull of that <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">under toe</span>, and even in those moments of getting pulled in to the swirling spinning mess, I know all I really have to do is ask for help and it's there. All I have to do is be willing to ask. <br /><br />And it's always there. My circle of friends, my teachers, are always there is some shape or form that I can draw on to remind me of the strength that I walk with in myself. And there is also that calm sweet voice of my own Spirit, urging me to be still and listen. And ever holding my hand saying,"I never left you."<br /><br />So to everyone I offer my gratitude for the unending journey of love. I am loving you all.StarShield Lortiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15602659563633518897noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2755965142458047149.post-71418031398710305492007-10-30T22:23:00.000-04:002007-11-03T18:30:52.793-04:00Questions...I'm late posting this week because I have been searching for what I really want to say. So much going on, so much moving around, so much to consider. And ultimately I put way to much energy into what the world will think about what I post in this place. So, I'm just going to write and whatever comes out is what it is. And maybe, just maybe, this purge of sorts that is necessary for me to move on to the next thing.<br /><br />What do you do when everything you want<br />lands squarely in your lap;<br />when the world at large bends over and screams "YES!"<br />at the slightest acknowledgment of what you want?<br /><br />How will you stand with all that?<br />Will you let it knock you over<br />and blow you away or<br />will it simply blow as you stand with it<br />feeling the knowing of what you want revealing itself to you?<br /><br />Do you have the courage to own what it is that you want,<br />never tripping over the pieces of what you don't<br />as they simply start falling away?<br />Are you willing to rise to the occasion<br />engulfing yourself in the wild task of living?<br /><br />Hold this place close to your heart, your ears.<br />Listen to the rustling movement of Love<br />that sings in the in-between places.<br /><br />Do you have the strength to let go of the despair<br />when it tangles itself in your hair,<br />pulling at the roots of your life<br />because it's own is so fleeting?<br /><br />Do you have the courage to grasp on to the letting go<br />like it's a life raft maintaining a float<br />that will save you from the seductive under toe?<br /><br />Where do you turn in the unending spin of creation,<br />shooting life from your fingertips<br />putting everything in motion and<br />logging all hours into this one big project - your life?<br /><br />When is it enough to sit in the tallest tree<br />and just breathe,<br />just taking in all that is around and<br />really feeling the depth of being?<br /><br />When is it enough to just be who you are<br />even in the most dangerous of moments<br />and see how incredibly you are loved?<br /><br />When am I enough, just as I am,<br />creating my world with all its foibles and fallacies<br />and underlying truths;<br />how do I transform what I've been into what I am?<br /><br />What if I am enough just as I am,<br />sitting quietly in the grove of Pine trees,<br />earth covered in a blanket of dried needles,<br />echoing quietly the soft movements of breeze, cricket and gull?<br /><br />What if everything that I've worked for, prayed for, longed for<br />is right here in front of me,<br />sitting in my lap holding my hand,<br />breathing on my heart?<br /><br />What if I am completely embraced<br />by these things that have felt so elusive,<br />that I could never have and refused the acknowledgment of for so long? <br /><br />What if that soft whisper in my ear<br />is Me<br />speaking everything I know,<br />letting me hear my own voice with the flavor of Love? <br /><br />And what if I simply Am?StarShield Lortiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15602659563633518897noreply@blogger.com0