Nov 23, 2007


Well, it's what everyone is calling Black Friday. The melee begins over getting the best deal on a gift for someone that, do you really want to anyway? I chose to stay home. I put in over 7 years of my life working retail and just don't go near a mall if at all possible until way into the new year. Instead I chose to sleep late, have a wonderfully relaxed breakfast with my room mate, did laundry, watched a few shows on the net I wanted to catch up with, and took the dog out to a state park this afternoon for a nice long walk in the sunshine.

As we were walking I started thinking about Thanksgiving, i.e. gratitude, and what that really means in my life. For me I realized it's simply a point of view. I could rattle off a list of trials and complications that I've been through and how each thing is something that happened to me. Would you feel properly sorry for me or begin to tell me your sad story? I could spend hours writing down things, "I'm grateful for this, I'm grateful for that" but it seems different somehow to what gratitude feels like.

Although that feeling place is often hard to put into words I'm going to give it a shot. It's when you can feel your big toe and it's vibrating, just a little, with the gratitude for you own life, like Gratitude lives there, and you suddenly become aware of feeling it everywhere in your body and how it feels completely different in each place, yet there's some thread that you recognize "That's Gratitude".

And then it's what your entire body is made of, Love in it's pure unadulterated state, un-manipulated, unaltered, uncomplicated.

It's when the world at large keeps telling you you don't know what you're doing and inside you there's a knowing that no matter what, you're fine...not you're going to be fine but you already are, right now in this moment, everything is good, the pieces are snapping together and you're beginning to see You.

It's when you can see the larger picture that's making up You and want every piece that's in the puzzle because every piece is You.

And it's the simplicity of a breath and the beauty of a dream and then a way of life.

Feeling Gratitude, how it lives in me, is something that stretches me from one day to the next, one moment to the next, because it is ever in motion, expanding and creating something new to explore, teaching me how to relate, how to stand in relationship with the world around me and in me.

Thanksgiving, not giving thanks, giving away, giving up something of yourself, but rather leaving an offering, recognizing the relationship, the connection, that lives and breathes and feeds in every way possible.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Nov 18, 2007

What am I doing?

So here's a come I can write for myself, I can write for hours in my journal but I sit here to come up with a new blog and I draw a complete blank?

I consider myself a writer, have even published a small book of poetry, and am getting myself out there freelancing and I KNOW in every cell of me, in the very core of me that I am a writer. It's all I think about, all I want to do, and yet when I sit to write something that I know will be out in the world for others to see practically instantly I freeze up. And I know that at this point no one's even reading this blog at all! I am writing this more for myself right now, and that's ok.

I get that there's power for me here, personal power. There are huge pieces of myself I will regain by doing this and the wanting of it is digging deeper into me all the time. I'll be out in the grocery store and be writing a story in my head as I'm pushing my basket around, get excited about the idea, yet I get home and sit down to write it and suddenly can't find it and don't know what to write.

So, here, I'm going to just give myself the space to type, write, get my fears out about the movement of this, even if it doesn't make sense to the outside eyes right now. It really is for me, about me, about my process, and I know it is all leading me myself.

Nov 8, 2007


So, a new week and a new day. Lots to be grateful for and lots to let go of. I often wonder the direction of things in my life and realize I cannot know, all I can know is right now. Where I am right now. And right now I'm going to use this space to express how grateful I am to everyone in my life who assists me in so many ways.

The memories of my youth have been surfacing a lot these days. Memories of how I wandered around for years feeling lost, alone, misunderstood, and how I didn't understand how I was taking up space here when there was no where I fit. I spent a lot of energy maintaining a place of anger, which now I can observe as at least if I was angry I was alive.

Taking that to where I am now I can feel all those things, how true and real it all felt to me, yet now I have the buffer of time, I've matured a little bit and I have built an incredible support system around me. Even when I touch those places again and feel the unmistakable pull of that under toe, and even in those moments of getting pulled in to the swirling spinning mess, I know all I really have to do is ask for help and it's there. All I have to do is be willing to ask.

And it's always there. My circle of friends, my teachers, are always there is some shape or form that I can draw on to remind me of the strength that I walk with in myself. And there is also that calm sweet voice of my own Spirit, urging me to be still and listen. And ever holding my hand saying,"I never left you."

So to everyone I offer my gratitude for the unending journey of love. I am loving you all.

Oct 30, 2007


I'm late posting this week because I have been searching for what I really want to say. So much going on, so much moving around, so much to consider. And ultimately I put way to much energy into what the world will think about what I post in this place. So, I'm just going to write and whatever comes out is what it is. And maybe, just maybe, this purge of sorts that is necessary for me to move on to the next thing.

What do you do when everything you want
lands squarely in your lap;
when the world at large bends over and screams "YES!"
at the slightest acknowledgment of what you want?

How will you stand with all that?
Will you let it knock you over
and blow you away or
will it simply blow as you stand with it
feeling the knowing of what you want revealing itself to you?

Do you have the courage to own what it is that you want,
never tripping over the pieces of what you don't
as they simply start falling away?
Are you willing to rise to the occasion
engulfing yourself in the wild task of living?

Hold this place close to your heart, your ears.
Listen to the rustling movement of Love
that sings in the in-between places.

Do you have the strength to let go of the despair
when it tangles itself in your hair,
pulling at the roots of your life
because it's own is so fleeting?

Do you have the courage to grasp on to the letting go
like it's a life raft maintaining a float
that will save you from the seductive under toe?

Where do you turn in the unending spin of creation,
shooting life from your fingertips
putting everything in motion and
logging all hours into this one big project - your life?

When is it enough to sit in the tallest tree
and just breathe,
just taking in all that is around and
really feeling the depth of being?

When is it enough to just be who you are
even in the most dangerous of moments
and see how incredibly you are loved?

When am I enough, just as I am,
creating my world with all its foibles and fallacies
and underlying truths;
how do I transform what I've been into what I am?

What if I am enough just as I am,
sitting quietly in the grove of Pine trees,
earth covered in a blanket of dried needles,
echoing quietly the soft movements of breeze, cricket and gull?

What if everything that I've worked for, prayed for, longed for
is right here in front of me,
sitting in my lap holding my hand,
breathing on my heart?

What if I am completely embraced
by these things that have felt so elusive,
that I could never have and refused the acknowledgment of for so long?

What if that soft whisper in my ear
is Me
speaking everything I know,
letting me hear my own voice with the flavor of Love?

And what if I simply Am?

Oct 22, 2007

The Art of Courage

What is between knowing absolutely and being uncertain? Is there anything in between wanting and claiming? Is there a middle ground between surviving and living? Is there a way to explore that small chasm that often seems to be the most insurmountable obstacle that any of us would have to face?

At first glance there appears to be nothing. That it is easily a black or white issue that leaves no room for gray; either you know or you don't. Yet I wonder what it takes to get from one side to the other as that in-between place is where I most often find myself. In that place where I can feel a knowing in myself, knowing that it is me. Yet, even feeling the knowing, getting to the place where I can stand in the knowing and not let even the lightest breeze blow me over is a constant challenge. So what is it that moves me from one side to the other? What is it that will keep me moving, growing, seeking that stance of knowing absolutely?

Although I don't think I'd even be seeking answers, seeking that mysterious stance of knowing that is rooted in truth and reaches for the expanding force of Love if there wasn't the deep desire to know the truth of who I really am. It takes courage to take a step towards what you really want, towards the unmistakable unshakable knowing that reaches out and gently touches you, speaks to you, purrs in your ear, lightly brushes a cheek, breathes it's warm breath on your heart, and beats through all the fibers that make up your Self. Courage is what bridges one side to the other, creating a road into the shadows and depths that make up the whole.

Another way to look at it is that courage is a choice. It may take courage to get from one side to the other but to even take a step on the bridge requires a choice. A choice to move forward, to put one foot in front of the other, to let go of those things that won't fit on the bridge so you can get to the other side. It's a choice to see where you are going and make a move towards that place, even if seeing means just feeling your way through the darkness. If courage is the bridge, choice is the movement on the bridge. Remember that when you find yourself in the middle, all you have to do is decide what you want and make a move in that direction.

Writing Exercises:

1. Examine where you are in your own life right now. What is calling to you to hear it? What is tugging on your arm for you to see it? Set a timer for 10 minutes and free write your answers.

2. Write a short story about a time in your life when you walked the bridge of courage and what the results were.

3. To get from where you are right now to where you want to be what would you have to let go of? How would your life be different?

Happy Writing!

Oct 15, 2007

To blog or not to blog?

It has taken a long time for me to get to the place of creating and posting in such a way. And I am still not so sure I want to walk in this room, yet here I am, standing at the threshold of something that will stretch me in so many ways.

I love the internet, and know there was life before email but I can't imagine that now. I spend hours most days surfing the web, working on my website, and most of all checking my email. I have shopped for lots of things on the web, including my new iMac (which I LOVE!). I don't have any problem purchasing online, researching reviews of products and services that I'm interested in (I honestly can't remember the last time I set foot in a library!) and paying bills. It quick, easy and safe. Yet, I have stayed away from things like discussion boards, chat rooms and blogs. I will read them from time to time but haven't, until now, participated.

And as I'm sitting here at my computer, looking out on this beautiful mountain morning with the sun glittering on the lake that's just 100 feet from my back door, I realize that it's time for me to stretch myself again. And it comes down to something I've known for a very long time; it's really just a control issue. It is all too easy to hide behind a computer, creating an id and password and travel around laying an opinion on anything and never having to reveal any true identity. And even though I didn't think I could admit it, somewhere along the way I'm sure I've done it too.

Yet, here I stand, at the precipice of what I think may be one of those huge tiny steps in the evolutionary process. I'm putting myself out there for all to see, writing my way to a new me. And know you'll do with it what you will.

As a writer and a teacher I'm going to throw in a writing exercise or two at the end of each blog post.

Since the focus of this blog is stretching into new areas and arenas set your timer for 10 minutes and use this prompt to get you started:

*If money were not a consideration what would you do, who would you be?
*Now, set your timer again and consider what you'd be willing to give up to make that dream a reality, or would you have to give up anything at all?
*How far are you really from any of those things in this very moment?

Happy Writing!

What Is Writing Medicine?

Within each of us is a truth that speaks in many ways. Writing is one way to connect with that voice and let it flow.

Writing has often been used as a therapeutic tool for remembering and
connecting to truths hidden out of sight. Traditionally, the word "Medicine" is defined as the unique way Spirit or Power is expressed. Writing Medicine creates a sacred space for the personal expression of one's own heart and truth.

The focus of Writing Medicine is to open a dialog and remember the relationship
with self that has always been there. No previous writing experience is necessary, simply an intent to connect with personal truth and knowing.

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